butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize