you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
