I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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