They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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