I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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