Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
another moral hangover. fuck.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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