dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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