i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
