Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
