You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
