Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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