Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
