babies were throwing up all over the place
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
