Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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