the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
