I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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