is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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