so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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