So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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