Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
