Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize