its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
