I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
