Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize