i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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