Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
