he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
