I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
