Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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