No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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