Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have officially lost it.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
