does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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