You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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