True but thats because hes a fetus.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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