Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
