You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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