I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
