You made me cry and you don't even care
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
