Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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