I've blown a few things in my day
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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