he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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