He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
