eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
