My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just had sex bonerless
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
