Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
