Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
