Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
