I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
