What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
