she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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