Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
