Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
