It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
