I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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