she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize