your thong is hanging out like whoa
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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