I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
