Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
