you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
