i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
