at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
