last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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