My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
