zippers are such a cool invention
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
