Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
