Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize