Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
